Are Indian mothers raising their sons in the most desirable way?

From a classic poem written by William Ross Wallace entitled ‘What Rules the World’, the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world. It praises motherhood as the preeminent force for change in the world. An Indian mother is considered as the most influential guru in her kid’s upbringing. But is she preparing her son for adulthood in the best possible manner? (overhearing a big yes from all the momma’s boys) If you think it as just another female rant and rave, you need a reality refresh.

In a "progressive” Indian family like ours, daughters are raised to be independent, tough and unfussy (which I agree with because it makes them a better person) whereas sons are meant to be lazy, carefree and dependent on women for their day-to-day chores as trivial as clearing plates after finishing meals or making his bed every morning.

When a son tries to do basic things like cleaning, arranging the table or giving water to the guests visiting home, first thing comes out of her mother’s mouth is – “Leave it beta, you don’t have to do all this, women will handle it”. This results into son’s mindset that there are roles defined for men and women in a house. I can be guest in my own house, order a glass of water while sitting back in sofa and my mother, sister or later wife will take care of everything.

Soon after my marriage on the second day, I noticed a wet towel on the bed by my husband (Relatable, right?). He stayed in hostel for good seven years so it became harder to digest. In a while, my mother-in-law entered to pick up the towel and while sorting his wardrobe, asked me to look after these things hereafter. That is when I realized the reason that no one ever told him to do it by himself.

Indian mothers find pleasure in serving their sons and feels happy that their sons are dependent on them. Why is this overprotective nature for sons often confused with love? It’s absolutely false that if you are not running behind things which he can easily do, you are loving him any less. Instead, you are making them handicapped. Men usually don’t talk about this because they like to live in an illusion of power, consider it as expression of love or they’re genuinely oblivious.

The problem occurs when he leaves the comfort of his mother’s love. In mother’s absence, he will be constantly dependent on others and live an unhealthy relationship with their partners (if she cannot make time to do his things). One can only respect their spouse if they have emotional intelligence. So, if male kids haven’t seen it at home while growing up, then how they will practice it? It will harm his self-esteem in a long run.

Situation is a lot better than in past yet miles to reach. But there is a hope from young mothers. It is more of a social issue than gender-bias issue. If we want our sons to become a loving, self-reliant and respectable individual, it’s a high time to set them free. Next time when your son picks up a rolling pin in kitchen, don't ask him to drop and say that it is meant only for girls. Encourage him to do house chores as much as you do for his career. We are finally raising our daughters in a right way, lets do it for our sons too.